An all time high

What's a man to do on a Monday morning when he only has 12 more hours to spend money on ebay before the coupon expires? I'll tell you what this man does, he thinks real hard about something he needs from ebay that is worth getting a $22 discount. I looked for gift cards but that isn't something I really need.

I searched for custom wheels for Bonnie but it appears they quit making those in 1995.

I passed over many items and daily deals trying to find that perfect thing worthy of my coupon usage.

The final answer? Toilet Paper.

Not just any toilet paper either, if I wanted run of the mill TP I'd hit up the local store but I require a product that makes me feel like a King. The answer to that? Jumbo rolls of TP!

Not like I've had many visitors since moving out but this should keep them out of the bathroom if they do come over. Who wants to be attacked by a roll of 600 feet of toilet paper at once? On the good side, I have 12 huge rolls coming my way so if you are ever in need, let me know and I'll share.

I've calculated my TP usage (thanks Tyler for the inspiration of thinking of the cost of everything) and this should last me at least 4 years at my current rate. $8 isn't so bad for many happy and clean MBM's.

The bad news is I ran out on Saturday so I'm hoping this gets shipped quickly or else...I could be coming to borrow some for a few days. I'll repay you if you'd like. Thanks in advance!

I'll buy it if you make me laugh

Jaxon is one funny kid. All day he's been saying no more beans but we are just about home for the day and we stop on the side of the road to look at a man's paintings. We spend quite a few minutes looking and I ask Jaxon which one he likes.

He replies, you know you need an artistic eye to enjoy these.

I laughed and decided to get out of the car to see if I had the artistic eye. After looking around some more, Jaxon calls me over, this time he said,

This one speaks to me.

Me: What is it saying?

Jaxon: Walk my streets, climb my mountains but don't eat my fruit.

I thought that was so funny that I said to the man we'll take this one because it speaks to my brother. I told him what it said to him and we all laughed. I think the painter laughed more because he was happy we were spending $10 to buy one of his paintings. Hey he could be famous one day?

Does it speak to anyone else?

How to Avoid Trouble

I have decided to share a bit of knowledge. I am pretty boring when it comes to doing thing that can get you into trouble. Here is what I have learned from my first experience with California's finest...CHP.

1. Stay out of scary areas late at night, in case you need to stop.

2. Don't drink before or after you get in the car.

3. Open the door to talk, it is more personable.

So this is the story, I was working late...well some would say early, but I was leaving work about 5:30 am the other day. At 3 I thought I was tired but by 5:30 it was official. I drove onto my favorite freeway of all time (280) and was reminded of Kramer when he adopted a section of the freeway and painted the lines so the lanes were wider. As I merged onto the freeway I saw no one but one car way behind me and I thought it would be cool to drive all over like I owned the road. I did not do this however. I maybe went a mile on the freeway when the 4th of July took off behind me. I noticed that the fireworks were only red and blue and after a little bit of a chase (maybe 75 feet) I pulled over. It wasn't hard to pull over since I was in the far right lane to begin.

I was confused why I was being pulled over, I guess that is what they all say when they get caught. A kind man in some sort of uniform comes up to my car and I opened the door, oh wait, my seat belt is connected to the door so I shut it, took my harness off and then opened the door only to be asked if I was okay. I thought what kind man to worry about my welfare out on the streets. Then came the suspicious "Have you been drinking tonight" question. I had not, and my new caring friend wanted to see a picture of me and I only had my license so I gave it to him and he said he'd be back.

I was not clear on why he asked me if I had any warrants or if I was on probation before he went back to his car but I laughed at him and denied all of it. He came back and said have a good night and to drive safely. Now, what a kind man I thought, I look forward to meeting up with him again some day. I am happy to know people are looking out for me.

There was one question he asked that I did not have an answer to when he asked it. He asked if I had been distracted reaching for something. I didn't think I was but then I realized I had put hand gel on as I gained speed up the on ramp. I had been practicing my hands-free driving by using my knee and realized maybe that is why he thought I was drunk. I may have gone into the other lane a bit but he made it sound like I was driving in the shoulder. Not true and for the record I don't drink and drive, I'd hate to spill on my blue cloud of comfort which is what you will find inside Bonnie. To my friends, stay out of trouble, hope my pointers help and don't try to drive without your hands properly placed on the steering wheel.

I tried to look for a hot girl to show some people that are worried about my dating habits. They wanted an example of a movie star I thought was pretty. I couldn't think of one. The reason this happened could have something with the fact that where I live these are the kinds of girls we see on tv.

FAT CAMP Do I really have to go into this. Even the two exmodels aren't cute. We'll see in 100 pounds but usually fat doesn't bother me since she either knows where to eat or how to cook. That translates into she'll feed my well when I'm looking for prospects.

SURVIVOR- Trying to look for love after someone hasn't had a bath for a few weeks isn't really my style. I like clean girls.

LITTLE PEOPLE- I'd probably lose her in a crowd and not know which one she was as I towered over everyone.

DIRTY JOBS- When he goes gooey duck hunting, there aren't any pretty ones.

AMERICAN IDOL-Ok so the bikini girl was hot. I'm glad Simon pointed it out so I looked up from my computer in time. Then I looked again and she's off the list. The tv must make her look better than still photos.

Besides her, this is what my list would look like.

Natalie from Monk. Maybe I just love her since this is my favorite show. She's funny and seems like she's not to wild and crazy especially for living in San Francisco. Actually the truth is I want to be like Monk, that's how I see myself so a tough lovin gal like her is what I need.

I meant to post this a long time ago and just realized I still had a few treats in the bag to post today.

Why I love being an Uncle

From the California part of the world here are a few reasons I love being an uncle.

#1. I have the best niece ever.

By far she's my favorite niece and I wonder if I'll ever get one that compares.

#2. She says my name.

Basically if she asks I give so I love it when she asks me for things and wants to play.

#3. I get to babysit her.

Wild park party or sleepover, depends on the day.

And other things too, but I want to focus on #3. I thought money was important when doing a job but this week Hayley has paid me in Joe-Joe's Cookies from Trader Joe's and Ice Cream. I think she's fattening me up for the harvest but she claims I'm not going anywhere.


When I got the Joe-Joe's which are like peppermint oreo's in case you didn't know, I really wanted some vanilla ice cream to crush them up in and make an exquisite flavor of cold creamy lover's paradise. But I just didn't go get it done. This was on Tuesday I believe. We have all been eating the goods but then tonight I came home and Hayley said she bought ice cream. She apologized for buying low-fat stuff because I usually tell her I want all the glory of ice cream when available. So I take the four remaining Joe's and crush them up into this cookies and cream to make a mixture of WOW! So as Avy sleeps and I pretend to babysit the little angel, I ate some amazing ice cream.

Go ahead give it a try. No not babysitting, you have to train for that. Try making some delicious ice cream at the expense of a loved one. Thanks for the high paying jobs sister.

I should also throw in that the only reason she bought the cookies in the first place was because they were only $1. I'm glad I'm so valuable.

Everyone's happy when carpets are clean

Currently I am pressed up in the corner of the living room. About 12 am Tyler started cleaning the carpets with his Kirby vacuum that doubles as a shampooing wonder. I am waiting for him to go to bed so I can walk on it without him seeing. Bad news is, he used this contraption the other night when Avy threw up in her room. Hayley took her into the bathroom to clean her up, I was in the living room throwing away a diaper and when I look down the hall I have Mr. Atwood cleaning his carpets.

Once again it was late at night but this time he was topless. I was a little shocked and tried to walk by without causing a scene of having a top half naked person foaming the carpets. And so the story goes, tonight I am in the corner, just content that today he cleaned the carpets and they look great and of course he looked fine as he did it with all his clothes on. I should also add that the reason his shirt was off is owed to Avy since she puked all over him and the carpet. He's a saint, a good egg and a wonderful brother according to the law.

It is fun to pick on him a lot but the good news is he only pays attention to a small portion to it. Hayley taught me a new trick and if I don't say the words Chess, Money or Worms, he isn't usually tuned into our conservations. So Ty, here's your shout out for being so funny even if you don't get why we laugh.

Happy New Year

Alright alright, I'll let you in on what I've been up to these days. To start I am sorry I haven't been writing here. This is the story of why I haven't been posting.

A few posts down there is a post about how great my job is. Well it just so happens that during the week I posted that, actually 2 days before I posted that I quit my job. So since October 31st I haven't worked with people's money. However, at the first of October I started a new job and it didn't take long to realize that working 65 or more hours a week plus 15 hours commute time plus school wasn't going to work out.

This is where the problem started. I quit my job at the credit union but didn't tell anyone. I didn't want my family to know because I had already bought a ticket home for Christmas and I wanted it to be a surprise. For 2 months I lived this little lie and I did a fine job. However my big sister couldn't keep her lips as tightly sealed and I soon got the news that dad had been let in the circle of trust. That meant that each day I'd get a text or call from him saying how excited he was and all that father stuff. I had planned to go home on the 13th but the week before I got various requests for work that I couldn't turn down and deep down I didn't know what I was going to do in Idaho freezing off my hyena for almost 3 weeks while the kids were in school and the parents were at work. Ya I know I could have played with Sally and boys but I didn't think of that until I cancelled my ticket home in order to stay here and work more.

Hirama came out the week before I left and it was not easy to pretend like I had to go to work each day but I managed to keep her off my trail. She left on Saturday DEC 20th with the Atwoods. I left on the 22nd and called up the shuttle to take me to San Jose Airport. I was sitting at the gate a little early when they made an offer to anyone who was flexible with travel plans. I let it sink in for a few moments and then approached the woman and took her for all she was worth. I was soon in a luxury sedan on my way home. The same guy picked me up to go back at 4 pm. I checked in, went to the gate, made them aware that if there wasn't room I'd be happy to stay and went off to eat my airport cafe dinner that Delta paid for. Better believe I spent all $14 of those meal vouchers. Turns out I didn't get on this flight either and walked out to another shuttle ride home (all free of course) another $400 travel voucher, a ticket to fly the next day and more meal vouchers, and a free shuttle ride to San Fran since I'd be flying out of there instead.

Next day as much as I wanted they were not overbooked so I handed my coat to the kind lady and kicked my feet up in first class, compliments of Delta. She kept calling me Mr. Bird and kept bringing drinks. No wonder first class has their own bathroom, they give you all the liquids possible. Besides that it wasn't too exciting because when it was my time to go to the silver throne, I couldn't get the door open. After half of first class that was acting unfirstclass enough to look at me laughed at me dropping my shoulder into the bathroom door with out any luck, I sat back down and politely asked the stewardess when she came by.

I got into Salt Lake about 8:30 pm. The shuttle to Idaho was to leave at 9. I waited and waited, around 9 an airport worker told us our bus was down the road so we made the trek to the bus. Now this was the worst bus ride ever. Started off with a "code red" before we were even moving. Once we did start moving around 9:30, we were going the wrong direction only to return to the airport at 10. We finally left the airport and it appeared the bus driver had on a bigger coat than I did because the heat was not on. I couldn't sleep and froze the whole way home.

My friend picked me up about 2 am and we did what all people do in Idaho, we went to Walmart. Of course we ate Burger King first. We were living the high life in Idaho Falls before we went back to Shelley. Now it's 3:30 am, I get out of his car, dress up as Santa which was all I had in my carry on, rang the doorbell twice, then remembered Hayley told me she'd leave the door unlocked.

I'll never understand why kids are scared of SANTA. How do you resist this guy at your party?

Yes it was unlocked but I had already gotten Hirama out of bed. As Santa turned the corner she saw him and screamed a scream that was loud enough to raise the dead but yet, not wake up my father in the next room. She quickly slammed the bedroom door and I chased after. She screamed some more and one by one the shock of having Santa as well as your brother/son home was shared. However, by this time, little yappy told my other older sister so there was no shock factor there that I came home. We stayed up for the next hour or two talking and then went to bed. I had to tell them all about what had been going on and this is why I haven't posted. Because I've been doing things I normally wouldn't do if I was working 9-6 and I didn't want my family to know about it. Now I can get back to posting and sharing my fun and exciting life with others. I know that's just what you'd like.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas and all the best in the new year.